Haiku Recap for The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 19: "Heart of Darkness"

How would we describe The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 19 in three words? Clenching, passionate, troublesome. So much went down in not only in Mystic Falls but in Denver, Colorado as well! First, let’s hear it for Alaric for enduring yet another gruesome death on the show. (Work that ring magic, hot stuff!) Second, let’s pour out a nice, cold glass of water and splash it right over our heads because, after heavy motel kissage, Damon and Elena gave viewers everywhere a record-breaking fever. (Ay caramaba!) Third, turn up the Boyz II Men tunes in honor of poor Stefan Salvatore who’s suffering through a serious brooding stage now ever since Elena began macking it to Damon. Now hold onto all those emotions and get ready to transform them into poetry with this week’s TVD haiku recap!

The Vampire Diaries Episode 319: “Heart of Darkness” Haiku Recap:

Ric wastes away
in a Salvatore holding
cell. He looks mad bored.
Have no fear, guess who’s
here! Elena waltzs in
bearing dental gear.
Insert awkward scene:
“I’m going to Denver…with
Damon,” E confides.
Ric shoots her dirty
a glance. “Do I look like Dear
Abby to you, girl?”
Elena switches
topic: “Going to bring home
Jer too, dude.” Hooray!
Decade dance planning
commences. Matt’s super nice to Bex,
Caroline freaks out.
Bex has changed the theme
from disco to the Roaring
Twenties. Matt agrees.
Syke. Car ain’t mad, it’s
all a ruse. But Matt ends up
driving Bex home. Sparks!
Caroline races
into woods. Tyler’s waiting
there. Booty call time!
Elena travels
to Denver with Damon. He’s
a good road trip bud.
“Hi, baby bro!” she
cheers from behind a fence. Cute…
but mostly creepy.
Jer looks totes confused.
“Girl, what you doing here?!” he
asks with worried look.
She responds, “Love you,
miss you, need you to talk to
dead peeps. Okey dokey?”
Jer shrugs his shoulders.
“Hey meet my bff, guys!”
Out strolls ol’ Kol. NOOOOOOOOO!
Crack-a-lack-whack goes
the bat in Kol’s hand when
he swings at Damon.
But Damon’s quick and
sticks it right where it hurts. They
race to sketch motel
to seek refuge from
baby OG…and to make
Jer talk to ghost Rose.
Damon’s sure Rose is
around. Who wouldn’t want to
haunt him forever?
Rose don’t play no games.
She shares that her sire’s name
is Mary Porter.
Back at dungeons de
Salvatore, evil Ric’s being shy.
Stef’s losing patience.
Klaus to the rescue!
If snapping Ric’s neck counts
as heroic act…
Bex comes home, Esther’s
there. Helicopter paren-
ting at its best, folks.
Suddenly, Esther gets
all Buffy Season 1 Ep
3 on poor lil’ Bex…
She seizes control
of her body, makes a switch.
Freaky Friday yo!
Car spills beans to Ty:
“Yo, someone’s gonna die, proba-
-bly you,” she laments.
Setting: Dingy room
at a motel. Elena
pretends to sleep while
Damon undresses.
She peeks at his chiseled abs,
he lays next to her.
“Why don’t you allow
people to see all the good
in you?” she inquires.
“Because I don’t want
to live up to expecta-
-tions, girl,” he retorts.
Heavy breathing, hand
grazing ensues. Elena
gets way too flustered,
She races out of
room. Damon follows her.
Steamy kisses start.
Passion fills the night.
Screeeeeech…”Um, guys, whatchu doing”?
Jer tries to c*ck block.
Road trip to Mary’s
abode…in Kansas. (A tad
inconvenient, Rose!)
Oh, look. A creepy,
run-down house…let’s enter it!
Wrong choice — Mary’s been staked
by Kol is waiting
there to beat on poor Damon
Pow pow pow! Ouchie.
Ric’s alive but his
dark side’s MIA. Wherefore
art thou evil dude?
Stefan’s inspired,
pounds Ric’s face in, chokes him a
bit. “Emerge now, punk!”
Alter ego
bursts out. “I’m here sucka,” he
shouts, “Ready to play!”
Stef threatens to kill
so Bad Boy Ric tells him stake’s
locale…in the cave!
Bex accompanies Ric
to cave, confesses that she’s
Mommy Dearest. Yay…?
Klaus is a dreamer,
misses Ripper Stefan, wants
him to make comeback.
Damon’s wounded, his eyes
plead for a kiss but E plays
love games like Gaga.
Ugh. He’s so over
being her lil’ boy toy. “RESPECT,
homegirl. Peace out.”
Who’s Team Delena?
Rose, that’s who! She informs Jer
that Damon’s good for his
big sis. Stef’s love is
pure but Damon challenges
her. Jer’s like, “Okay…”
Ty finds his sire’s
horsie drawing stashed in Car’s room.
Gets jealous, storms off.
Mama Esther’s goal-
oriented, wants vamps to
die. Ric will help. Sigh.